The Underfaker Reviews- Captain Ginyu Assault, Episode One!

By Underfaker

So far, responses have been really good about my review of the subbed DBZ. However, I feel that in exchange for a subbed, I should do a dubbed. So here we go! And by the way, no, I am not the same “Jon” from EX’s site.

Alright, name of this episode is called “Ginyu Assault”. Not too flashy...certainly not as long winded as “At Last A Direct Confrontation! Captain Ginyu Takes The Field!”, but for some reason, the 2 sentence DBZ intro’s are really funny to me.

This episode starts off different from the others, because of the way the Japanese and English episodes line-up. So we start off with one of my favorite scenes in DBZ- Goku vs. Jeice vs. Burter in a 3-Way Match! And yes, that is a wrestling reference, not a porno reference. We don’t start doing those until the Trunks DVDs. Anyhow, I love this scene because Burter and Jeice try to attack Goku, but they can’t touch him. Plain awesome. Jeice decides to open his big mouth and ask Goku when he’ll decide to get off his ass and start fighting. Jeice then gets a huge punch to the nose. I laughed my ass off at this scene. Jeice and Burter then attack Goku, but Goku doesn’t feel like dicking around here, so he just slides into his best Jet-Li impersonation and beats the fuck out of both guys. But wait! Hark! What could it be?! Why yes, ladies and gentlemen, its time once again for... THE DBZ SLEDGEHAMMER OF PLOT~!

In case you’ve forgotten, here is the explanation. In DBZ, sometimes Akira didn’t think we got the point of something. Such as, proving how evil Frieza is by killing a few Namekian children. So, the fact that Frieza is evil, is pounded into our heads. A well known fact is that DBZ doesn’t do subtle. DBZ wouldn’t know subtle, if a man was running through downtown Japan with a flamethrower, wearing a “Mr. Subtle” shirt while screaming, “MY NAME IS MR. SUBTLE AND I’M NOT BEING VERY SUBLTE RIGHT NOW!” Hence, leading to THE DBZ SLEDGEHAMMER OF PLOT~! The characters “~!” are put in, to indicate sarcasm, much in the way that the huge sweat dot appears on anime characters. You’ll understand more as we move along.

Anyway, today’s sledgehammer of plot is how there is no way that Goku can be winning, because after all he is a Saiyan and only has a powerlevel of 5,000! After that, we get the gratuitous super long Japanese attack name, called “The Purple Spiral Flash Attack”. Of course, this is about as effective as wet toilet paper to Goku.

Now we come to, The Phrase. The phrase that had every damn person with a modem screaming “foul!”. I can only mean....The Phrase.

Burter- How did you get so fast?!
Goku- Maybe its my diet. I eat really wholesome foods!

People that actually had a modicum of brain matter called this the stupidest thing they ever heard. Of course, I’m not exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer myself, so I like it. To me, this sounds like the most incredible piece of “smart ass attitude” that you can find. But let us not dwell on that. More fighting and the such... until we get to my other favorite scene in the movie. Well, not really a scene, more like a sound effect. Its when Goku decides he’s tired of fucking around with these two morons and basically knocks Burter into oblivion. The sound I’m talking about is when Goku flies after Jeice and sounds like a damn jet plane about to crash. Really cool.

Its at this point that I’d like to talk about the voices in the “new” DBZ. I couldn’t give a flying fuck about Krillin’s voice, because he is a worthless pile of shit to me. Vegeta’s new voice forced me into laughter on the simple premise that he sounds just like Ren from “The Ren & Stimpy Show”. You can find an even bigger example of that during the time that Trunks first appears, when Vegeta calls Bulma an “eediot!”. Speaking of Bulma, like, does she sound, like, one of the, you know, GAP girls? Sheee-yah, right! With an annoying voice like that, I do hereby give Vegeta a lot of damn credit, for being man enough to have sex with a woman with a body to die for and a voice that sounds like a seagull getting run over. Multiple times. Now, don’t get me wrong, I give all the credit to the people that do the voices for the show. This was their first time doing this and I’m sure there was a lot of accidents that happened. I can gladly say that Bulma’s voice and body got better over time. And if you think I’m a sad person because I oogle anime women, you’d be completely right. Goku’s voice sounds okay by me, like many other voices in the show. Except for Ox King. Before, he just looked like an idiot and now he has the voice to match. Anybody remember the old “Heathecliff” cartoon? Ox King sounds like Mungo from that show. Gohan’s voice still bothers me, because he sounds like a little bitch all the time. And THIS is the person that is supposed to be the strongest person in the universe? HA! Interesting story- I once heard a conspiracy theory that Gohan never became more powerful than Goku because when Gohan became the “Number One Guy” on the show, nobody liked him, so Goku was brought back. Something to think about on a hot summer night. Speaking of hot summer nights... Frieza sounds like someone with a throat problem. If you want to hear something funny, listen to Frieza’s laugh when he is killing Nail, in the Japanese version. “Ho, ho, ho!” I haven’t heard someone giggle with that much girlish glee since an All Girls Catholic School came by my mechanics shop. Did I just make that up? Yes I did. It shouldn’t really surprise you, since we have already established the fact that I am a sad person. Anyhow, back to the program!

We already know my thoughts on when Vegeta kills Burter and Jeice, but the sheer insanity of it goes up ten more notches, due to the fact that this is Ren, not Vegeta.

The rest of the show is not really worth mentioning, except for the ending. Goku starts asking Vegeta for help, so Vegeta goes from Evil Ren to... THE EVIL CAR SALESMAN FROM HELL~! His voice goes to such sleaziness in a matter of seconds that I was tempted to say, out loud, that I was merely “looking around”. Then Vegeta flies away screaming, “Have fun, Kakarot!” while doing the most insane laugh this side of Brian Drummond. In fact, I think they DID use Brian’s voice for that laugh. The show ends when Goku calls Vegeta “You dirty dog!” while Ginyu charges, screaming “You Sucker! Hahahaha!”

I have to say, that is a pretty interesting ending. I think it goes very well, Vegeta flying off with Ginyu calling Goku “A Sucker”. It plays on the theory of “Is Vegeta With Us or Against Us?” Did Ginyu call Goku a sucker because he knew Vegeta would fly off or because Vegeta and Ginyu had been working together? Interesting theories, to say the least. And thus ends this episode review.

I think I’ll close this all out with something I need to get off my chest. All the time, I hear people say “They are on another Earth/outer space, how would they know about that?!”, most noticeably in reference to Piccolo asking Nappa if he knew about the story of David & Goliath. I find it amusing that these people do not question the fact that everyone knows the same language (in space and on Earth). What are the chances that Saiyans, Nameks and Frieza’s gang all know English (or Japanese)? Granted, Namekians do have their own language, but they also know a language from a planet they have never heard of before? Or the fact that their names are puns on things that you find ON EARTH?! This is just another case of people nit-picking to try and find something wrong with the series. These are the same people that think that they see the word “SEX” on “The Lion King” or that the front cover image from “The Little Mermaid” has pictures of huge penises. However, I do love 2 of Disney’s Bloopers. One is that during Aladdin, Aladdin says a phrase, that when sped up, sounds like “A good teenagers take off their clothes”. The second, is during the Daffy and Donald piano scene, Donald says something that sounds like he is calling Daffy the “N-Word”. Interesting, to say the least. Tune in next time, when I will present both episodes from “Captain Ginyu- Assault” for YOU, the loyal reader! Until then...

The Super Texa-Jin,Jonathan “Underfaker” Lindsey
*******



"So far, responses have been really good about my review of the subbed DBZ. However, I feel that in exchange for a subbed, I should do a dubbed. So here we go! And by the way, no, I am not the same “Jon” from EX’s site."

I wish you hadn't of done a review of the dub, then again, what's done is done.

"Alright, name of this episode is called “Ginyu Assault”. Not too flashy...certainly not as long winded as “At Last A Direct Confrontation! Captain Ginyu Takes The Field!”, but for some reason, the 2 sentence DBZ intro’s are really funny to me."

It doesn't take much to get you to laugh does it?

"This episode starts off different from the others, because of the way the Japanese and English episodes line-up. So we start off with one of my favorite scenes in DBZ- Goku vs. Jeice vs. Burter in a 3-Way Match! And yes, that is a wrestling reference, not a porno reference. We don’t start doing those until the Trunks DVDs. Anyhow, I love this scene because Burter and Jeice try to attack Goku, but they can’t touch him. Plain awesome. Jeice decides to open his big mouth and ask Goku when he’ll decide to get off his ass and start fighting. Jeice then gets a huge punch to the nose. I laughed my ass off at this scene. Jeice and Burter then attack Goku, but Goku doesn’t feel like dicking around here, so he just slides into his best Jet-Li impersonation and beats the fuck out of both guys. But wait! Hark! What could it be?! Why yes, ladies and gentlemen, its time once again for... THE DBZ SLEDGEHAMMER OF PLOT~!"

Jet-Li impersonation huh? Don't you all LOVE when Goku does his Jet-Li and fights Vegeta as he does his Jackie Chan? Oh and when Piccolo comes and does his Bruce Lee as they go at it in a 3-way it is just so awesome...

"In case you’ve forgotten, here is the explanation. In DBZ, sometimes Akira didn’t think we got the point of something. Such as, proving how evil Frieza is by killing a few Namekian children. So, the fact that Frieza is evil, is pounded into our heads. A well known fact is that DBZ doesn’t do subtle. DBZ wouldn’t know subtle, if a man was running through downtown Japan with a flamethrower, wearing a “Mr. Subtle” shirt while screaming, “MY NAME IS MR. SUBTLE AND I’M NOT BEING VERY SUBLTE RIGHT NOW!” Hence, leading to THE DBZ SLEDGEHAMMER OF PLOT~! The characters “~!” are put in, to indicate sarcasm, much in the way that the huge sweat dot appears on anime characters. You’ll understand more as we move along."

Didn't you use these exact phrases before? Oh yeah, that's right you did... I already answered this once, but I'll give a recap. In short, you are a moron (like my recap)?

"Anyway, today’s sledgehammer of plot is how there is no way that Goku can be winning, because after all he is a Saiyan and only has a powerlevel of 5,000! After that, we get the gratuitous super long Japanese attack name, called “The Purple Spiral Flash Attack”. Of course, this is about as effective as wet toilet paper to Goku."

And... I am waiting for you to have this great point...

"Now we come to, The Phrase. The phrase that had every damn person with a modem screaming “foul!”. I can only mean....The Phrase."

Ooooohhhh, "The Phrase", I can't wait to see it.

"Burter- How did you get so fast?! Goku- Maybe its my diet. I eat really wholesome foods!"

Wait, that's just another shitty dub line. That's your phrase? The dub is horrible, that's why you get things like this.

"People that actually had a modicum of brain matter called this the stupidest thing they ever heard. Of course, I’m not exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer myself, so I like it. To me, this sounds like the most incredible piece of “smart ass attitude” that you can find. But let us not dwell on that. More fighting and the such... until we get to my other favorite scene in the movie. Well, not really a scene, more like a sound effect. Its when Goku decides he’s tired of fucking around with these two morons and basically knocks Burter into oblivion. The sound I’m talking about is when Goku flies after Jeice and sounds like a damn jet plane about to crash. Really cool."

I thought right here you'd admit that the dub messed up here, but NO, you defend it...? We all know you are not the sharpest knife in the drawer, no need to tell us. You aren't being subtle enough. You just scream "I AM STUPID" after every paragraph, seems Dragon Ball has the upper hand on you when it comes to subtlety. And incase I was too subtle, that does not sound like the most incredible piece of "smart ass attitude" that you can find...

"Its at this point that I’d like to talk about the voices in the “new” DBZ. I couldn’t give a flying fuck about Krillin’s voice, because he is a worthless pile of shit to me. Vegeta’s new voice forced me into laughter on the simple premise that he sounds just like Ren from “The Ren & Stimpy Show”. You can find an even bigger example of that during the time that Trunks first appears, when Vegeta calls Bulma an “eediot!”. Speaking of Bulma, like, does she sound, like, one of the, you know, GAP girls? Sheee-yah, right! With an annoying voice like that, I do hereby give Vegeta a lot of damn credit, for being man enough to have sex with a woman with a body to die for and a voice that sounds like a seagull getting run over. Multiple times. Now, don’t get me wrong, I give all the credit to the people that do the voices for the show. This was their first time doing this and I’m sure there was a lot of accidents that happened. I can gladly say that Bulma’s voice and body got better over time. And if you think I’m a sad person because I oogle anime women, you’d be completely right. Goku’s voice sounds okay by me, like many other voices in the show. Except for Ox King. Before, he just looked like an idiot and now he has the voice to match. Anybody remember the old “Heathecliff” cartoon? Ox King sounds like Mungo from that show. Gohan’s voice still bothers me, because he sounds like a little bitch all the time. And THIS is the person that is supposed to be the strongest person in the universe? HA! Interesting story- I once heard a conspiracy theory that Gohan never became more powerful than Goku because when Gohan became the “Number One Guy” on the show, nobody liked him, so Goku was brought back. Something to think about on a hot summer night. Speaking of hot summer nights... Frieza sounds like someone with a throat problem. If you want to hear something funny, listen to Frieza’s laugh when he is killing Nail, in the Japanese version. “Ho, ho, ho!” I haven’t heard someone giggle with that much girlish glee since an All Girls Catholic School came by my mechanics shop. Did I just make that up? Yes I did. It shouldn’t really surprise you, since we have already established the fact that I am a sad person. Anyhow, back to the program!"

I really like how you feel about Krillen, next time you and I have a party, remind me not to invite him. This next quote is rediculously stupid "With an annoying voice like that, I do hereby give Vegeta a lot of damn credit, for being man enough to have sex with a woman with a body to die for and a voice that sounds like a seagull getting run over. Multiple times." You are treating them as if they were real people with the dubs voices, this just seems very bizzare to me the way you explained it as if they were real and sounded as they do in the dub no less... You are indeed a sad person, but not because you "oogle" at anime women, but because everything you write in editorials is stupid. I don't understand why people like anime women, but I wouldn't think any less of them if they do. You keep trying to push the stereotypes on people, and people don't like when you do that. I'm also glad you think Gohan sounds like a "little bitch" we need to go take him and Krillen and beat them up behind the school... I find nothing wrong with the Japanese Freeza laugh and I really enjoy the voice, unlike the dub Freeza that wants to "turn Goku on". It seems you dislike all the American voices yet still rant and rave about how much better the dub is than the sub. Am I missing something here?

"We already know my thoughts on when Vegeta kills Burter and Jeice, but the sheer insanity of it goes up ten more notches, due to the fact that this is Ren, not Vegeta."

You need to be slapped... I can see you watching it now, "The sheer insanity is through the roof, because Vegeta sounds just like Ren, this is the funniest thing ever, AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA."

"The rest of the show is not really worth mentioning, except for the ending. Goku starts asking Vegeta for help, so Vegeta goes from Evil Ren to... THE EVIL CAR SALESMAN FROM HELL~! His voice goes to such sleaziness in a matter of seconds that I was tempted to say, out loud, that I was merely “looking around”. Then Vegeta flies away screaming, “Have fun, Kakarot!” while doing the most insane laugh this side of Brian Drummond. In fact, I think they DID use Brian’s voice for that laugh. The show ends when Goku calls Vegeta “You dirty dog!” while Ginyu charges, screaming “You Sucker! Hahahaha!” "

First of all, you are really helping me by putting these dub lines in here. You are just showing us how bad the dub really is. Also, your sense of humor is really dull, to me at least. Anyone else think he's a bit stale (corny, cheesy, stupid, I can't really think of a good word, it is just bad humor)?

"I have to say, that is a pretty interesting ending. I think it goes very well, Vegeta flying off with Ginyu calling Goku “A Sucker”. It plays on the theory of “Is Vegeta With Us or Against Us?” Did Ginyu call Goku a sucker because he knew Vegeta would fly off or because Vegeta and Ginyu had been working together? Interesting theories, to say the least. And thus ends this episode review."

Again, you obviously need them to tell you exactly what is happening. You talk about how they aren't subtle yet in an obvious piece where Ginyu knows his guard is down, you try and come up with theories that involve Ginyu saying "you sucker" just because Vegeta left... Nobody but you has ever (at least I don't think) assumed Vegeta might be with Ginyu. That just makes no sense. Sure the Ginyu Force tried to kill him, but that's because they secretly wanted to ALMOST kill him to make Goku (who they had never seen before) think Vegeta was with him... You are not getting it are you? Now the Japanese version states flat out that Goku let his guard down, but the dub had to add a stupid line in and confuse idiots like you.

"I think I’ll close this all out with something I need to get off my chest. All the time, I hear people say “They are on another Earth/outer space, how would they know about that?!”, most noticeably in reference to Piccolo asking Nappa if he knew about the story of David & Goliath. I find it amusing that these people do not question the fact that everyone knows the same language (in space and on Earth). What are the chances that Saiyans, Nameks and Frieza’s gang all know English (or Japanese)? Granted, Namekians do have their own language, but they also know a language from a planet they have never heard of before? Or the fact that their names are puns on things that you find ON EARTH?! This is just another case of people nit-picking to try and find something wrong with the series. These are the same people that think that they see the word “SEX” on “The Lion King” or that the front cover image from “The Little Mermaid” has pictures of huge penises. However, I do love 2 of Disney’s Bloopers. One is that during Aladdin, Aladdin says a phrase, that when sped up, sounds like “A good teenagers take off their clothes”. The second, is during the Daffy and Donald piano scene, Donald says something that sounds like he is calling Daffy the “N-Word”. Interesting, to say the least. Tune in next time, when I will present both episodes from “Captain Ginyu- Assault” for YOU, the loyal reader! Until then...

The Super Texa-Jin,Jonathan “Underfaker” Lindsey"

If I'm not mistaken, the David and Goliath line was only in the dub. Would you like everyone to speak different languages? That wouldn't work, there are so many planets and races in Dragon Ball that it just wouldn't work. Have you ever seen a show where every race speaks different languages,, and can't understand each other? Also, they probably are in a different univers than ours, and since traveling to other planets is easy, maybe all races speak the same language to keep space travel less complicated. Or maybe the universe has an official language, and it just happened to be Japanese. Or maybe I am making this up with educated lies... You see, when you ask ridiculous questions you get unfounded answers. If you ask a question with no real answer I can do only two things. Tell you it can't be answered or lie. I lied... My lie however is more of an educated guess due to the fact that this is the most likely situation, but again, will we never know the true answer to this, and the simple answer probably is, it was done because not doing so wouldn't make sense.Again, why do you have to keep grouping everybody together, just because we use common sense on things doesn't mean we eblieve urban legends on Disney movies. And just what in the hell kind of a point were you trying to get across with that anyway? Disney myths do not belong in this editorial. Trying to compare us to people who belive in Disney conspiracies just isn't a good comparison (it would be like me saying, an apple is like an orange because they are both objects) it is just a very bad comparison.

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There is reply number 3. I hope you all like it. I will try to do 1-3 of the remaining 3 tomorrow. Again, any feedack is great.

Thanks for reading,
-Xeries

- >Xeries